Unbaked Yeast Rolls

[The Mrs.]

Do not drink or eat while reading...

My friend sent me this and my sides still hurt from laughing.....

UNBAKED YEAST ROLLS

Those of you who have/had animals will probably appreciate it more.It is a story that is hilarious in itself and the person that wrote itis a good writer and made
the story even better. Enjoy...

We have a Fox Terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in thesummer of 2001 from the Fox Terrier rescue program . For those of youwho are unfamiliar with this type of adoption, imagine taking in a 10year old child about whom you know nothing and committing to doing yourbest to be a good parent. Like a child, the dog came with his ownidiosyncrasies. He will only sleep on the bed, on top of the covers,nuzzled as close to my face as he can get without actually performing aFrench kiss on me.

Lest you think this is a bad case of 'no discipline,' I should tellyou that Perry and I tried every means to break him of this habitincluding locking him in a separate bedroom for several nights. The newdoor cost over $200. But I digress.

Five weeks ago we began remodeling our house. Although the cost ofthe project is downright obnoxious, it was 20 years overdue AND it gotme out of cooking Thanksgiving for family, extended family, and a lotof friends that I like more than family most of the time. I wasassigned the task of preparing 124 of my famous yeast dinner rolls forthe two Thanksgiving feasts we did attend.

I am still cursing the electrician for getting the new oven hookedup so quickly. It was the only appliance in the whole darn house thatworked, thus the assignment. I made the decision to cook the rolls onWed. evening to reheat Thurs am. Since the kitchen was freshly painted,you can imagine the odor. Not wanting the rolls to smell like SherwinWilliams #586, I put the rolls on baking sheets and set them in theliving room to rise for a few hours. Perry and I decided to go out toeat, returning in about an hour. The rolls were ready to go in theoven.

It was 8:30 PM. When I went to the living room to retrieve thepans, much to my shock one whole pan of 12 rolls was empty. I calledout to Jasper and my worst nightmare became a reality. He literallywobbled over to me.
He looked like a combination of the Pillsbury dough boy and theMichelin Tire man wrapped up in fur. He groaned when he walked. I sweareven his cheeks were bloated. I ran to the phone and called our vet.After a few seconds of uproarious laughter, he told me the dog wouldprobably be OK, however, I needed to give him Pepto Bismol every 2hours for the rest of the night.

God only knows why I thought a dog would like Pepto Bismol any morethan my kids did when they were sick. Suffice it to say that by thetime we went to bed the dog was black, white and pink. He was sobloated we had to lift him onto the bed for the night.
We arose at 7:30 and, as we always do first thing, put the dog outto relieve himself. Well, the dog was as drunk as a sailor on his firstleave. He was running into walls, falling flat on his butt and most ofthe time when he was walking his front half was going one direction andthe other half was either dragging the grass or headed 90 degrees inanother direction. He couldn't lift his leg to pee, so he would justwalk and pee at the same time. When he ran down the small incline inour back yard he couldn't stop himself and nearly ended up running intothe fence.

His pupils were dilated and he was as dizzy as a loon. I enduredanother few seconds of laughter from the vet (second call within 12hours) before he explained that the yeast had fermented in his bellyand that he was indeed drunk. He assured me that, not unlike mostbinges we humans go through, it would wear off
after about 4 or 5 hours and to keep giving him Pepto Bismol.

Afraid to leave him by himself in the house, Perry and I loaded himup and took him with us to my sister's house for the first Thanksgivingmeal of the day. My sister lives outside of Muskogee on a ranch, (10 to15 minute drive). Rolls firmly secured in the trunk (124 less 12) anddrunk dog leaning from the back seat onto the console of the carbetween Perry and I, we took off. Now I know you probably don't believethat dogs burp, but believe me when I say that after eating a tray ofrisen unbaked yeast rolls, DOGS WILL BURP. These burps were pure OldCharter. They would have matched or beat any smell in a drunk tank atthe police station. But that's not the worst of it. Now he wasbeginning to fart and they smelled like baked rolls. God strike me deadif I am not telling the truth! We endured this for the entire trip toKaren's, thankful she didn't live any further away than she did.

Once Jasper was firmly placed in my sister's garage with the doorlocked, we finally sat down to enjoy our first Thanksgiving meal of theday. The dog was the topic of conversation all morning long andeveryone made trips to the garage to witness my drunken dog, eachreturning with a tale of Jasper's latest endeavor to walk withoutrunning into something. Of course, as the old adage goes, 'what goes inmust come out' and Jasper was no exception.

Granted if it had been me that had eaten 12 risen, unbaked yeastrolls, you might as well have put a concrete block up my behind, butalas a dog's digestive system is quite different from yours or mine. Idiscovered this was a mixed blessing when we prepared to leave Karen'shouse. Having discovered his 'packages' on the garage floor, we loadedhim up in the car so we could hose down the floor.

This was another naive decision on our part. The blast of waterfrom the hose hit the poop on the floor and the poop on the floorwithstood the blast from the hose.

It was like Portland cement beginning to set up and cure. Wefinally tried to remove it with a shovel. I (obviously no one else wasgoing to offer their services) had to get on my hands and knees with acoarse brush to get the remnants off of the floor. And as if thiswasn't degrading enough, the darn dog in his drunken state had walkedthrough the poop and left paw prints all over the garage floor that hadto be brushed too.

Well, by this time the dog was sobering up nicely so we took himhome and dropped him off before we left for our second Thanksgivingdinner at Perry's sister's house.
I am happy to report that as of today (Monday) the dog is back tonormal both in size and temperament. He has had a bath and is no longertricolor. None the worse for wear I presume. I am also happy to reportthat just this evening I found 2 risen unbaked yeast rolls hiddeninside my closet door.

It appears he must have come to his senses after eating 10 of thembut decided hiding 2 of them for later would not be a bad idea. Now,I'm doing research on the computer as to: 'How to clean unbaked doughfrom the carpet.'

And how was your day?

[The Mrs.]

Got this from SH...Boberry shared it and gave permission to spread it around!

 

Thanks Boberry!

[K.C.]

This is so FUNNY!!!!!! I loved reading it!