Listen to the old ones

[Fay Dickson-- AKA doofs]

T H E   Jewish  GRANDMOTHER

A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson

who is coming to visit with his wife.

"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301 . 

There is a big panel at the front door.    With your elbow , push button

301.  I will buzz you in.  Come inside, the elevator is on the right.  Get

in, and with your elbow , push 3.  When you get out, I'm on the left. 

With your elbow , hit my doorbell." 

"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons

with my elbow? ......... 


"What . . . .. .. You coming empty handed?" 
   
_______________________________________________ 



Wise Italian Grandfather    

   
Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns

down through the family.................

An old Italian man is dying.  He calls his grandson to his bedside,

Guido, I wan' you lissina me.  I wan' you to take-a my chrome

plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns..  How about you leave me

your Rolex watch instead?" 

"You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business,

you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a  big-a home and

maybe  a couple-a bambinos.  "

"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife

inna bed with anudder man. 
"Whatta you gonna do then?  Pointa to you watch and say, 'time's up' "?